Guess what? They probably knew before you did. They can tell that you two are not getting along. They may not be able to put what’s happening into words, but they know something is wrong. Keep these points in mind:
1. Before telling your child, use the Collaborative Divorce Process.
During the Collaborative Divorce Process, the parties are guided by their attorneys, and a neutral professional team who can answer questions as they arise. The mental health professional can help you to determine “When” and “How” to tell your child You are getting a divorce.
2. What you want to say is NOT what they are ready to hear.
Your child does not want to hear or know your explanation as to why you are getting divorced. Thank goodness! Divorce is complicated. Most likely you are still trying to explain “why” to yourself, family, and friends.
3. Remember “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all!”
This is not the time to tell your child all the rotten things your soon to be ex said and did. Your soon to be ex is their parent, whom they love. Even if they were a witness to the wrongdoings there will always be a connection and love between your child and the other parent. So, respect the bond.
4. Only tell your child what they ask you.
When parents are getting divorced, children are most interested in themselves. How will the divorce change their life? Tell them the truth. If you don’t know, tell your child that you don’t know, but you are figuring it out. If they ask questions about whether they will have to move, tell them the truth. If you are moving, admit it. If you don’t know, admit you don’t know.
5. Ask your child whether they have questions.
Ask your child if they have any questions. Reassure your child that they can come to you with their questions. Only answer the questions asked. Remember they are your child. They don’t understand complex legal matters. They don’t understand financial matters. They don’t understand broken heart matters. This is not their divorce. It is your divorce, and they are just a casualty.
6. Tell your child you love them.
This is the time to reassure your child that they are loved – by both parents (even if you believe otherwise). Your child is experiencing loss and pain. There is NO need to point out they are unloved by the other parent.
7. If you need help, consult an expert.
There are many mental health professionals who can give you the needed tools and words to tell your child that YOU, not them, are getting a divorce.
Reach out to an expert and get help!
For More Information About
Divorce and the Collaborative Process
Contact Us Through Our Website www.EatonFamilyLawFirm.com
And Find Us On
www.CollaborativeDivorceNashville.com
www.CollaborativePracticeFlorida.com
We have 2 locations to serve you:
Tennessee Office: 4000 Hillsboro Pike, #715, Nashville, TN 37215
Phone number is: (615) 994-0123
Florida Office: 2247 Palm Beach Lakes Blvd, Suite 202, West Palm Beach, FL 33409
Phone number is: (561) 420-8500