You’re married. You’re unhappy. And you are beginning to hate your spouse. You can’t remember any of the reasons why you married them in the first place. They don’t appreciate all the efforts and sacrifices you have made for the marriage and for them. You hope that life will be better once you are divorced. You would be happy if you never saw them again. But you have children together. So, you know there are years of co-parenting and family events in your future.
You decide to make an appointment with an attorney for a divorce consultation. To find an attorney, you ask Google. And a list of attorneys in your area comes up, so you start scrolling the names.You click on a few different names and call their office to schedule a consultation.
First Attorney tells you about all the divorce cases they have won over the years. The attorney describes how they will go to Court, and ask for the house, ask for alimony, and ask for custody of the children. Everything sounds good and you are considering retaining the attorney because you want to win. You deserve to win. The attorney agrees with you. The attorney gives you a quote for the initial retainer amount and explains that this is not a flat fee. You will also have to pay an additional trial retainer along with hard costs. You then ask how long until the divorce is final? The attorney tells you that trials are being set out over a year from now. And there are no guarantees when you go to Court.
You decide to go to the next consultation to have a comparison.
Second Attorney asks you, what are you seeking? What do you want from the divorce? You know the answer from the first attorney and say, “the house, alimony and custody of the children”. The second attorney asks you questions about money and co-parenting. How much money do you and your spouse make? How much equity is in your house? Can you afford to keep your house? Which parent usually provides for the needs of the children? How do you and your spouse get along? You don’t have the answers to all these questions. You ask the attorney whether they will win your case. The second attorney tells you that there are no guarantees when you go to Court, just like the first attorney told you.
After two consultations the only thing you learned is that there are no guarantees when you go to Court. You know that you still want a divorce, so you go see a third attorney for a consultation – hoping the third time is the charm. You tell the attorney that you understand there are no guarantees when you go to Court. You are concerned that a trial won’t be set until at least sometime next year. You don’t know whether you can afford a trial. You don’t know whether you can afford to keep your house. You dread the idea of having to co-parent with someone you don’t want to be married to. Then you ask, “Can you win?”
Third Attorney explains that the divorce process is about reaching an agreement. People only go to trial if they can’t reach an agreement. You begin to learn that trial is adversarial where the parties are pitted against each other. It sounds exhausting and a waste of time with no guarantee.
You then begin to ask the attorney questions. How can you reach an agreement with someone you don’t like? How can you figure out whether you can afford to keep the house? How can you learn to co-parent with your spouse? How can you get a divorce sooner than later?
Turns out the third time is the charm! The attorney begins to explain the Collaborative Divorce Process. In Collaborative Divorce, you and your spouse retain separate attorneys to guide you along the way. Unlike litigation lawyers, these attorneys’ only purpose is to help you reach an agreement as amicably and efficiently as possible. In fact, the process prohibits Collaborative Attorneys from engaging in contested court proceedings. Because of this, you do not have to worry about unnecessary legal proceedings such as voluminous discovery requests, subpoenas, and depositions of other people.
In a private setting (not a public courtroom), you can focus on reaching a resolution that is best for your future. And when you have questions or need assistance in determining what is best for you, neutral professionals are brought into the process to provide you with the information you need to make decisions. A mortgage specialist can help determine what it would take for you to keep the house. A child specialist can help draft a Parenting Plan and help you to co-parent with someone you are divorcing. A financial professional can help you gather and organize financial documents, so you have a thorough understanding of your current financial situation including the economic consequences of proposed settlement agreements.
Take Away: The best way to stop from hating your spouse whether before, after or during the divorce is to maintain control over the divorce process. The benefit of the Collaborative Divorce Process is that it is controlled by the parties. The people that are going to be affected by the outcome maintain the decision-making power. And the process allows people to engage a team of professionals doing what they do best to enable the parties to make informed decisions. This is very different from the court process where ultimately a judge or magistrate, who is a complete stranger to the parties and family, decides how the children will be parented and determines the division of property and debts in a rigid, statutory driven manner. Instead, the parties’ control and determine the settlement that is best for their family.
For More Information About the Collaborative Divorce Process Go To Our Website www.EatonFamilyLawFirm.com
We have 2 locations to serve you:
Tennessee Office: 4000 Hillsboro Pike, #715, Nashville, TN 37215
Phone number is: (615) 994-0123
Florida Office: 2247 Palm Beach Lakes Blvd, Suite 202, West Palm Beach, FL 33409
Phone number is: (561) 420-8500